A few weeks ago I started doing interviews for a book I am working on. I had 12 questions to ask and let me say that we barely made it through 5 max. I didn't think these men would be as chatty as women are, but to my great surprise and luck they were. I learned so much talking to them.
The first I spoke with had been married for many years and was a father in his 30's. I got a little background for starters.
Me, "Thank you so much for doing this for me first of all. I would like to get right to the questions."
Father of 3, "I'm ready."
Me, "Please don't tell me what I want to hear, tell me what you honestly feel and think before you answer."
He laughs nodding yes.
Me, "Have you ever been truly in love, and if so how did you know it was true love?"
He lifts his eyebrows slightly as he takes a sip of his iced tea. As he begins to answer I can immediately see through his eyes that he has some fond memories, "It was different. Everything was different. I felt different. I opened my eyes to all my actions. I knew all the bad stuff I had done and was doing needed to stop. I wanted to do better. To think better. Cause If I was better then I would be better for her. I loved her. I love her."
There was no doubt in my mind when he answered this question how in love he was with his wife of over 12 years. He shared the story of when he told her he loved her. It took her months to tell him she loved him back. He knew for sure she was the one because what she said she meant.
Upon interviewing the second man, to both our surprise he learned something very important about himself. Something that shocked him.
He is in a relationship off and on for a few years, and has 4 children. I his 30's as well.
The same question was asked.
I walk into the restaurant we have agreed to meet and he is drinking a beer, I ask for a glass of water.
Me, "Thank you for meeting up with me. If the questions I ask at any time make you uncomfortable let me know and we can skip. I just want honesty."
He laughs and picks his hands up in front of him, "Ok, lets do this."
I get comfortable and take my sweater off and I see him begin to relax in his seat across from me.
Me, "Ok, Have you ever been truly in love, if so how did you know?"
Off and on, "I was 14 when I fell in love. She was my first girlfriend. We had a baby. I loved her and I would do anything to make her happy."
Me, "How did you know you loved her?"
Off and on, "We had been friends for years. And did everything together we even took school pictures together."
Me, "That's how you knew you loved her?"
He takes a drink of his beer, "Yeah, we were best friends."
Me, "Ok, let me ask you this. What is love?"
Off and on, "Love is an expression. If you ask me to do something and I do it, its showing you a form of love."
Me, "I think that's called a favor."
He starts laughing, "Sure sounds like that huh?"
Me, "It does."
Off and on, "Hmm."
I see him get a little stumped with the question, "Ok let me ask you this what do you think love should be like?"
I see this question stirs something in him.
Off and on, "Love should be everything. Not wanting to be separated from the person you love, living and breathing them. Wanting to spend every waking moment with them. And wanting to do everything in your power to please that person. You need them."
Me, "Bingo! Now you know what love is. Are you in love?"
He takes a deep breath and clasps his hands together. He nods no softly, "No. I cant love right now. I cant accept who I am, so how can I love someone else?"
We talked for a few hours. In this conversation as we had started he was very sure he was in love with the woman he was with. By the time we had wrapped the interview up he learned that his perception of love had become very distorted at a young age. He hadn't moved on from that. He needed to show himself how to love.
The reason I started the interviews with this particular question was because I wanted to know where they stood with love.
Love is so scary for most people. They claim to have felt it or be in love with someone. But if you have ever experienced love in the truest of forms their is no mistake of how your mind and soul feel.
I like to give my own answers to questions as well.
When I knew I was in love, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I woke up one morning knowing I had to tell him how much I loved him. I didn't want him to go one more day with out knowing how much his whole being meant to me. Then I couldn't find the words to tell him how much I loved him. I felt like "I love you" would do no justice to what I felt in my heart. So in between my tears and my not so understandable words what I said next was, "I'm going to love you with everything I have. You are so important to me."
He hugged me tight...for the last 16 years.
Love with no limitations. Love with no boundaries. Love endless.